exwish

i almost wish i could say it hit me like a wall..
but no.. it was more insidious,
did it come as a shock,
did my heart skip and stop
palms sweating in supplication for a mistake of the presses
some tragic lovelorn last minute revalation..
but no.. it was not
it was something that slunk its way into my life..
much the same way you did
i realize
this.. awareness...

apathy runs her room temperature fingers over my flesh
and i am not aroused, clinically, insignificantly,
i find today the carcass of a fictioned love,
ties his lacking-soul to another

i almost wish i could say it mattered,
because then if it did,
what i thought i had felt,
might have been real

but it was not